Always on duty.

My heart has been broken. I am not the first and won't be last.

I do like to try on my rose-tinted glasses from time to time but they no longer fit. One lense in missing in battle and the other is cracked and scratched. There is Selotape around the middle and they are dusty from lack of use.

To once again view the world through these filters would be glorious. To have the innocence of youth. So trusting, so naive. So beautifuly optimistic. My glasses now only seem to magnify every single detail. Jaded and weary.

We all remember pearls of wisdom given to us as chidren growing up in the world. I never listened. I knew they were trying to help but most of their stories were quite awful. Who wants to listen to that? Now that I am the grown-up with pearls of wisdom of my own, will my own children listen? Can I somehow save them from any future hurts by recounting my own past like terrible warnings?

Mowgli really wanted a motorbike when he grows up. I conditioned him into believing they were utter death traps ridden only by fool hardy youths who have no care for themselves or other road users. We saw a motorbike whoosh past yesterday and he turned and said 'I don't want a motorbike because then I will die and I never want to leave you.' It broke my heart.

At the very essence of my life as a parent, I just want my kids to be happy. If jumping out of a plane or riding a motorbike does this, so be it. It is all about learning to let go someday.

What if someone is careless with their feelings or wreckless with their hearts? It is frustrating to know that they have to find all of this out on their own. I can only give them the tools to prepare them. Confidence to make or break friendships, spirit to live their lives out of the shadows, love to heal their wounded hearts.

Being a parent is the hardest job to get right. There can be no training for this relentless task. They do not care if you have had a long day, crap day, tiring day or hungover day. Their needs are apparent from the moment they wake until the moment they sleep.

It is then we gaze upon their messy bed hair and brush it away from their face. Crouched close to them, kissing their foreheads, breathing in their scent and smiling at the wonder of parenthood. Always on duty.